my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
