I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
