Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
