Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
