I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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