Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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