am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
