Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
