i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
