I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
