its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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