Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
