i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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