Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
