Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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