Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
