So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
