shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
