she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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