Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
