Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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