I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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