i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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