You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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