I'm gonna have a badass scar
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
