God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
