sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
