dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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