If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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