dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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