I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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