I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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