so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
