i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Someone came in the potted fern
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
