the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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