Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
