Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize