The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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