I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
