I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
