that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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