non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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