Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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