There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
