Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
