Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
