If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
