Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
