what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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