I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
