I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
even my farts smell like vagina
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize