just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
