I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
