I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
