I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
