ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
