I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
