In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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