Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You just made me feel so damn special
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
