You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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