Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The air taste purple.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize