i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
