maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
