As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
