2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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