Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize