We won't sleep together?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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