Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
