i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
