I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize