how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
