look no pants
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
