You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
