I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
