You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
