I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
