I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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