wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
