dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
