btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
