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• (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm in love with you.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  huh?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.

  Fav 14 3503 1065

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have

  Fav 17 1424 6224

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  when i was alone, his dick was there for me...

  Fav 32 5321 1584

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE

  Fav 7 933 2986

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• (425): View more from Washington

  i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.

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• (949): View more from California

  Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.

  Fav 4 2472 854

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.

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• (760): View more from California

  I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME

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• (415): View more from California

  so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again

  Fav 7 970 749

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.

  Fav 6 853 794

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I love you but I don't want to see you naked.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?

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