Michael Bay diarrhea
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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