I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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