You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
