he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
