I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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