I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
