It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
