I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
