I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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