She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
