Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
