If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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