that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
