Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
