90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
