This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
