i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
