I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
