Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
