She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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