There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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