I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
