Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
