I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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