im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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